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Friday, April 24, 2009

Progress of my LIL one

In Hollywood last night, Lil was voted out of American Idol Season 8. That was the end of Lil.

In Rawang though, or rather in the comfy sack inside my tummy, my very own lil' one is progressing well, Alhamdulillah. Thank you for all the well wishes, I'm touched and grateful for the doas extended.

Went for my follow up check up at APSH yesterday on my own, joined by Ayah there. I came clean with Dr Ashar that I couldn't stand being house arrested, hence I started work 2 weeks earlier (than the 4 weeks medical leave given!). He smiled and calmly replied, "It's quite hard to stay put when you are so used to being active at work, isn't it?" Hehehe... Ayah just smiled and added, "there's another update". And so I also had to come clean with Dr Ashar re the slip & fall too. I told him I rest for a few days after the fall but started work again early this week. Since there was no bleeding or major abdominal pain, he seemed fully forgiving. After all, I fell while doing my normal morning routine for Subuh prayer, so he really couldn't scold me, even if he wanted to. Hehehe.....

So first things first, let me come clean altogether. I am 40 and I have 3 boys. And yeah, I am expecting. About 16 weeks now.

Sometimes at dinner table, I wring my hands at the skies and wonder how I came to be the hub of this noisy, chaotic house. Some days as evening falls, I just have to get away to take a break from the responsibility, from the cacophony, and labor, and pretend to have fallen fast asleep under the duvet where no one can no longer expect one iota of energy from me.

I repeat, I am 40, I have 3 boys, and am 16 weeks pregnant now. I have quite a demanding job in a multi national chain of "kedai runcit".

Some of my colleagues said either I am very courageous, or I am out of my mind!

Either way, it's still a mission, shared by Ayah & Ibu.

I already have 3 boys - that I've said. All from the same Ayah (chuckle!!! though one of my buddies thought Ameer looked like my former 'boyfriend'...ceh!!! tak patut betul!! he didn't even fall into my definition of 'boyfriend' in the first place, okay? And for goodness sake, anak ke tiga muka cam ex-boyfriend, apa hal? HAHAHA....)

So is this my 4th pregnancy then?

No. It's not. I've had a few miscarriages in the past. At least 2 in between Abang Idin & Hafiz, including one at 4.5 months; it was a girl :(.

And then another 2 miscarriages after Ameer - both within the last 12-15 months. I blogged about one of it (the first one) but kept silent on the 2nd unfortunate incident. I felt it was too private & personal to share then. I don't mind sharing now, the 2nd miscarriage was actually a twin (we have 'twins genes' in both Ayah's & Ibu's side, so not a major surprise).

So put up your fingers now and count. Kalau 'tak', I would have 8 children! WOW !!!! Meriahnya!!

We've mutually agreed on having 4. Ayah actually wanted more. Not realistic at all from my perspective. So 4 is a compromised number. We would have exceeded set expectation with the twins, but no...it was not meant to be, for only Allah knows why. If Allah grants us more after this, we'll still accept it as part of the rezqi bestowed upon us.

For what have happened, I can only thank Allah for still giving me the opportunities to conceive & carry them even just a quarter way. I know some close friends who still have not successfully conceived despite assisted with medical advances & technology interventions.

In my case, as proven thus far, I could conceive. For all my pregnancies thus far, I did not experience the so-called "morning sickness". However, I suffered from a condition called "incompetent cervix" (I've linked the term to a relevant site to save your time from googling). This was first detected, unfortunately, a bit too late, upon my 1st known miscarriage at abt 4.5 mths. I was told then that I had (still have!) a reverse shaped uterus, hence the incompetent cervix. Since then, I was advised that in order to sustain my future pregnancies, I might have to go through this procedure called cervical serclage, which is simply translated as sewing up the cervix with stitches, to be removed later closer to delivery date. So in the case of Hafiz & Ameer, 'their' pregnancies were assisted with serclages, both done by Dr Jem.

Why the other two-three miscarriages, you may ask? The challenge with serclage is that it is advisable to be done only after 12 weeks - just in case there are problems arising during this period, the pregnancy can be abandoned or the threatened abortions can happen naturally.

That was the case with me with the other miscarriages, including the twins. All at about 8 weeks, I started spotting & bleeding, hence tak sempat nak buat serclage pun.

I don't want to dwell about the costs, but suffice to say, that the treatment for the miscarriages (the D&C) and the prevention of it (the serclage) each cost almost the same if not slightly more than the cost of normal delivery.

Do I sound like I'm regretting it?

Not at all. Sometimes terkilan, undoubtedly - you know, the longing to hold & cuddle the lil ones..... But all the times eventually, I was and am rest assured that Allah knows best. Never mind the frustration, the emotions, the medical leaves, the costs and all; the unseen benefit obviously, as many have told, outweighs the sufferings.... the lil ones would wait & help me while crossing siratalmustakim (InsyaAllah!).

So far, I have no problem explaining my pregnancy to my 3 boys. In fact they have all long thought that I was pregnant (obviously because of the kebuncitan of my middle earth!!!). We appreciate each others companies most of the time. All 5 of us. We talk, shout, laugh, giggle & whisper as we wish. We celebrate birthdays. We hide each others favourite pillows. We make monkey faces to each other. We rub or scratch each others backs at bedtime. We fight over who gets the next McD Happy Meal toy. We challenge who will first finish the chore or homework. Sometimes, we munch snacks or dinner in front of the TV - much to the chagrin of Bibi. We are our own life simple pleasures. And I reckon, welcoming another extension to our family, the new lil one, won't be an issue with any one of us at all.

Now that I'm approaching the end of my 1st trimester with the current lil one, and that the serclarge had been successfully done - this time by Dr Ashar (the reason why I had to stay in hospital not so long ago), I truly hope and I continue to pray everyday that I will have a safe & sound pregnancy this time and the lil one will have a healthy development & growth within me. And I will continue to pray that Allah will bestow the lil one with taqwa & iman, to be successful both di dunia & akhirat.

For someone whose work amongst others include upholding personal privacy & confidentiality, it feels weird initially writing away on this subject which I consider quite personal & private. But while writing it away I may, the writing sure still sound more like relating of random facts rather than sharing of feelings.

But I guess that's me. More of a rational thinker than a feeler.

And the more I think about it, the more I eventually come to accept the rationale for this sharing - isn't it what this blog is for? In case I suffer memory lapse or senility in my much older days in the future, at least this story will prevail - as part of my Cerita Ibu, untuk anak2 ibu yg tersayang.

Spare a prayer that this mission of Ayah & Ibu will be one mission made possible this time around.


Salam
Ibu

18 comments:

rad said...

Amiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnn........... Utk doa & harapan yg Ibu coretkan - insyaAllah, sempena dgn hari Jumaat yg mulia ini.

Ummi365 said...

***hugs****

i am just like you have a reverse shaped uterus and also incompetent cervix. Throughout all my 4 pregnancies I bled off and on. Normally it stops after the 3rd month. It was so heartbreaking everytime I went to the toilet and saw the stain. Alhamdulillah I managed to go thru all four without any miscarriage.

Please please take good care of yourself dear.

Kak Ezza@makcik Blogger said...

akak ada 8 orang anak..yang kedua dah meninggal 2 tahun lepas..2 kali gugur..so 10 lah..woo..banyak tu...nasib baik doktor dah ikat tube akak ni..kalau tak mau rasa nya asyik membeli pampers jer!..

Berehat lah dik oii...jangan kuat sangat berkerja..kesihatan tu penting..take care dan jangan lupa makan ubat..

Jo Kontan said...

e Boo,

Don't worry too much. My Father always says this "Ini Semua Kuatkuasa Allah Taala"

And lemme tell you, It is.

Maam was 40 when Dilla (#6) was conceived, even we tried proven preventive measures.

We all Pray for you.

cekemkzue said...

Salam Ibu,
alhamdulillah dua2 okay. I had my share of miscarriages too and I guess i can share the feeling, might not be the same but somewhat similar. Take good care ofyourself n the lil one and the three boys and the other half too.long time no see you, dear.....

Kak Teh said...

tahniah to both of you!!! and take care...no more slips and falls! I can wait for the picture of the full moon, dont worry - hehe!

Dad of 4+1 said...

Ibu - We were at Ashar's clinic yesterday too in the afternoon. Looks like we missed each other again...But kalu jumpa pun I dont now whether can recognize you. We pray that everything will be ok with you and hubby!

Pi Bani said...

Kalau lekat 8 you mungkin kena beli bas mini satu...

Anyway, glad you're okay after the fall. Take care and don't be naughty wokei??!

wanshana said...

Amin...Amin...Amin. Insya Allah.

You know you are always in our thoughts and prayers, dear...

Can't wait for the new addition to the MT clan :)

Hmmm, when the lil' one is here nanti, nampak gayanya kalau sleepover kat Sa*ja*a Im*ia*, kita kena exchange bilik lah, ya? You all will need the bigger room :)Hehehe!

(((((HUGS)))))

Ayah said...

take care and pray to Him.. that's all...

Naz said...

Aminnnnn....
Tumpang tanya, since you are also 40, shall I call you Ibu or Sista now?...hehe!
Take good care of yourself OK :)

kay_leeda said...

IBU,

Mixed feelings when reading this posting. Happy and sad pun ada. InshaAllah everything will be A-OK. Our doas are for you and the lil one and the big happy family too :)

So bila kita nak buat baby shower ni??

Akmal said...

Eh? Waaah rezeki coming! Tambah umat nih hehe :D
InsyaAllah ibu, make it at the top of the list to take good care of your own self, not to strain too much, alright? :)

Madam Tai Tai said...

Hi Ibu,

It's been awhile. Many congratulations on the the pregnancy. Hope things will be fine, and you'll soon deliver a healthy and beautiful baby (or babies??).

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

ofcos i had to be the last person on earth to hear of such wonderful news. nonetheless, never too late to convey my congratulatory message to you, ayah and the bois. moga disenangkan proses mengandung dan bersalin kelak, and ultimately dapat baby yang sihat, insyaAllah. Amin.

IBU said...

Rad,

Amiiiin, amiiiin, ya rabbal alamin...insyaAllah...

Thanks dear!

Ummi,

Oh dear, senasib kita? Dugaan dariNYA kan. I know exactly what you mean abt the heartbreak upon seeing each stain. Suspen, sedih, risau, nervous, segala macam jumbled up kan? Alhamdulillah yours without consequential miscarriage.

Thanks v m for your wish & doas.

jan said...

Ibu..

Sorry lambat respon..

1stly, congrats..

Last and not least, may all be protected and always be with Allah blessings..

Amin..

SITI AISYAH said...

Wee..more adik sedara ;DD pray hard tau and we satu fmily pon akan pray hard2 ;p