Yesterday I officially became 'above' 40. Yes - years of age.
Surprisingly, I didn't feel "depressed" being ushered into the carat club.
Is it all in the mind?
I reflect on the journey of my life thus far, and I feel blessed. I must admit that I might have gone through some mind talking in the past, questioning or rather imagining how my life could have turned up today if I had done this or done that differently .....
In the end, I came to the conclusions that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we may be able to know the answers immediately, a lot of times we also have to accept that we may not be able know the answers or the rationale pronto and that only Allah knows best and hence, redha ....
I'm sure it would be more interesting for reading if I can substantiate or cite some examples of what I meant. But I know for a fact some of the examples may be controversial too, and may hurt the feelings of some people who I know or people whom I don't know, or hurt the feelings of my loved ones even. So yeah..... I'm playing it safe and not be an open book here.
Do I wish some things about me or about my life would change moving forward?
Sure I do!
And no... it does not involve me targetting to become a Datin Seri someday. Nenek Berseri maybe.... hahahaha......
But yeahhh.... sure I want some changes in my life moving forward.
I want to commit more to practice Islam as my Ad Din - way of life - rather than just complying to the basic tenets.
I want to spend more quality time with my family.
I want to love and to be loved more - for the right reasons.
I want to be able to guide & coach my children & my family more wisely, without necessarily imposing strict standards on the ultimate outcome solely based on short term worldly desires.
I still want to be able to enjoy myself though but with just life simple pleasures, nothing complicated, thank you.
I want to continue to be able to vision the larger picture, the light at the end of the tunnel; and be liberated by the choices that I make towards those visions; rather than be stuck in the box with the cynical toughts of me being the victim succumbing to other people's pressures without having a choice to make the changes for myself or my family.
In short, there's still quite a lot more that I want to achieve moving forward. Both for "here" as well as preparation for the "here after".
One thing for sure: I want to grow older wisely and gracefully. Accepting what has happened and what will happen is in the hand of the Almighty. Yet with me having the power and the choice to shape & steer how I think, feel and decide for things that matter.
So yeah.... I feel happy .... so happy birthday to me, indeed!!
p/s I do have a choice to make Ayah realise how hurtful it can be for a wife to have to keep wishing that her birthday present is forthcoming from her hubby without her having to poke, remind, urge, demand, threaten or twist his hubby's arm, don't I ? And yet I still do have the choice to just keep it bottled up in me too - with the same rationale, oh...it's the thought that counts, right? The choice would be mine I know. But what would you do?